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Notes: 2 / 7 months ago
Famous Last Words
Compiled with bleak! Comedy.
“Aw fuck, this fucking hang nail…”
“OOOh, here it is. Honey, you’ll never guess where I found the -“
“You can’t kill me, I guessed right!”
“Great! So we have a deal.”
“Oh man, I LOVE the Dollar Menu!”
“Hey, you’re Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!”
“I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have cancer.”
“Don’t worry, they always land on their feet.”
“Don’t worry, he’s blind.”
“I hate big head mode, it makes everything look so unrealistic.”
“Wait a second….this is a contract…for…”
“No, how bout I tell YOU how it’s gonna go!”
“Yeah, SHOW me what you’re gonna do about it.”
“Is it in yet?”
“This poison tastes funny”
“Does anyone else smell gas?”
“Mom!?”
“I think I’m pretty drunk.”
“Why is that guy driving on the wrong side of the road”
“No no no, you do that for grizzly bears.”
“I’m not afraid of lions.”
“No, No, I’ve done this before.”
“I can hold my breath even longer.”
“Look how deep I can stick this gun down my throat.”
“This is a huge sandwich”
“I think it’s a Norwich Terrier.”
“Am I bleeding?”
“Oh my God I travelled back in time to the land of the Dinosaurs!”
“Okay, I’ll play, what is the most dangerous game?”
“I always win Russian Roulette”
“My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my country….alright push the button over
there…no to your left…right…yeah, there.”“Is that Mike Tyson?”
“This milk isn’t expired.”
“We should go to Carvel after this!”
“The wheels on the bus go round and -“
“Pretend to drown me!”
“I disagree.”
“Hey, I found the snakes!”
“Why am I on a plate? Oh my god, you’re huge!”
“Hey, space is awesome!”
“This is the best birthday ever!”
“Just get in the car!”
“I don’t listen to hip hop, sorry man.”
“This worked in The Fast and The Furious.”
“Hang on, it’s loading.”
“It’s sleeping.”
“Let’s take the stairs.”
“Check out my new deck!”
“Yeah, they’re scratch and sniff!”
“I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
“Did I just see you guys kiss?”
“Since when do I need a reason?”
“Oh, dude, you know who you look like?”
“Dat Phan?”
“Is that a laser pointer?”
“Let me shoot you in the face with a shotgun.”
“Well if you shoot me, you’ll never know the answer.”
“Yeah, I’ll play a game.”
“Alright, my note’s done.”
“No, no, it’s supposed to glow.”
“Ooh, bunnies!”
“You know what pisses me off?”
“It’s called ‘origami’.”
“Ooh, a Blimpie’s”
“Lock your doors.”
“No I don’t have any FUCKING CHANGE.”
“This is my favorite Weird Al song.”
“So you’re saying I masturbate and then choke myself?”
“I’m flatlining!”
“Oh my god, ghosts are real!”
Notes
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I'm a co-founder and contributing editor for Melge Magazine (currently in development), The Colonialist, and Find He-Man, and I'm an Editor At-Large and featured author for Anderbo.com. I enjoy Reuben sandwiches and Endurance vitamin water.
Check out the work I've done from the menu above, or read my blog here, where I'll post updates of epic proportions.
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