1. 2 years ago 

   Descriptions of TV Shows By Someone Who Has Never Actually Seen Them

   THE SIMPSONS:
   A sitcom about a family with jaundice, living in a town full of other people with jaundice. The town’s first black residents move in.

   LOST:
   A large foster family lives on a deserted island. They connect over their common pyschological issues and emotional baggage. Their foster parents are abusive….and mysterious.

   MAD MEN:
   A digitally remastered after school special series from the 60’s urging against the dangers of alcohol, teen pregnancy, and consumerism in a capitalist society.

   SMALLVILLE:
   A spin-off show about Alex Mack’s brother, who was also in the power plant leak, but ran away and was never heard from again. Until now.

   PRISON BREAK:
   A large foster family lives in a prison. They connect over their common pyschological issues and emotional baggage. Their foster parents are abusive….and cops.

   FAMILY GUY:
   A sitcom about a disease-free family, living in a town full of other disease-free families. They all make pop-culture references. The town’s first black residents move in.

   SOUTH PARK:
   The town is an allegory for heaven: Cherubic kids who never age live in a town that’s always in winter and is the catalyst for society’s most culturally significant events. By the end of each episode, the kids are all-knowing or all-powerful in some way that we can apply to our daily lives. Also they are Libertarian.

   GILMORE GIRLS:
   A community of auctioneers and those guys who announce the fine print at the end of commercials live in a small town together to see who can talk the fastest and have the most inside jokes with their fellow townspeople.

   SEX AND THE CITY:
   Four mid-life-crises-aged women are best friends living in New York, and attempt to live up to every negative female stereotype in each single episode.

   UGLY BETTY:
   A girl with inner beauty is surrounded by people who only value outer beauty. Hilarity ensues.

   WEEDS:
   A small time drug dealer consistently gets in trouble with other criminals and the law, but consistently gets out of trouble and supports her family because she is a MILF, and everyone has a soft spot for MILFs. Or maybe MILVES.

   SEINFELD:
   A man who will later become a completely culturally irrelevant and mediocre standup comedian stars in a standard, three camera, low budget sitcom that will remain culturally relevant forever.

   HEROES:
   A spin-off of THE 4400, on The USA Network.

   LAW AND ORDER:
   Cops handle cases, all of which are strikingly relevant to their psycologically distraught past. It slowly becomes clear over a number of episodes that the screening process for becoming a cop is not extremely thorough. Hilarity ensues.

   ALIAS:
   An FBI agent consistently gets in trouble with other agents and criminals, but consistently gets out of trouble and barely survives because she is really hot. (SEE: WEEDS)

   SURVIVOR:
   A reality TV show spin-off of LOST. Whoever has the most psychological issues wins one million dollars.

   THE X-FILES:
   The “will they, won’t they” drama between two detectives is constantly interrupted by the possibility of Aliens existing. Hilarity ensues.

   FRIENDS:
   A bunch of friends move an entire set of living room furniture into a coffee shop and all hang out there until they find something better to do. (Note: they often do not).

   THE WEST WING (AND SPORTS NIGHT (AND STUDIO 60)):
   A handful of auctioneers and those guys who announce the fine print at the end of commercials lead the behind the scenes of a political administration or tv show. They walk towards the camera through a series of long hallways to see who can talk the fastest and have the most inside jokes with their fellow administrators. (Note: There is no current knowledge of a planned cross-over between Gilmore Girls and any of these shows. More info as it breaks).

   TWO GUYS AND A GIRL:
   “Is that Dane Cook or Ryan Reynolds?” “Are you sure?” “Okay, yeah, that makes sense.” “What happened to the pizza place?”

   ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT:
   A handful of character actors each play the one role they are good at to perfection. They go on to play these roles later in other tv shows and films, gaining mediocre amounts of success.

   More coming soon (maybe, if you want).

2. Notes

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Hello. Welome to my website! I am a writer, actor, comedian, and filmmaker in New York City. I produce and perform video, sketch, and improv comedy with beast., KevinandDarrendotcom, and Mike Duffy. I make films with beast. Films, and I've performed standup comedy in Washington D.C. and New York City.

I'm a co-founder and contributing editor for Melge Magazine (currently in development), The Colonialist, and Find He-Man, and I'm an Editor At-Large and featured author for Anderbo.com. I enjoy Reuben sandwiches and Endurance vitamin water.

Check out the work I've done from the menu above, or read my blog here, where I'll post updates of epic proportions.

 

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